Happy Friday! This is Melody-Rose and today I am going to continue my discussion with you about change. We started this conversation in the post, The Journey to Change Habits with RnA ReSet, where we discussed creating more wellness by adding healthy habits, why we don’t always make these changes, and how to make change easier.
What I realized since writing this blog is that we could all benefit from a better understanding of the anatomy of change. So, for today, I’m going to drop the multi-tiered approach to sharing information and take you all the way through one example of a desired change. This will illustrate how the transformation/actualization occurs for someone with a current income of $20,000 and wanting to double their income.
NOTE: I’ve put my spiritual coach/licensed minister hat on for purposes of writing this post. When I say, “Higher Power,” I don’t identify that Higher Power for you (or tell you what that means to me). Given my life-altering health improvements, I just know we all have something that is Higher than ourselves.
Fear of Change
One of my favorite mentors said:
If you want to change some things in your life, you have to change some things in your life.
Isn’t that the trouble with wanting something different? In order to be, do, or have more, you have to change something in your life that you probably aren’t motivated to change. Additionally, for most of us, change is scary. You have to deal with the fear of loss of your comfortable habits/behaviors/aspect of your lifestyle. Then, you have to embrace the life you have imagined but don’t yet know. The anxiety of facing change can be magnified because you don’t understand the process. So, the first thing we are going to do together is educate you about change. Once you understand, transformation can be an easy, elegant companion when you begin consciously creating your life.
Many people live life unconsciously. They habitually follow the same routine day-in and day-out. These routines become so ingrained that some folk hardly even pay attention to what is going on around them. For those, the only time they change something in their life is when they have no choice, e.g., they get fired, experience a death in the family, lose their home to bad weather, have a child with a drug problem, are forced to retire, etc. Coaches often call this type of life event “an involuntary change.”
To me, the saddest thing about habitual living is that when involuntary change comes (and it does), people are often totally unprepared to make the best informed choices.
That is why in Dr. Dean’s post, Treasure Mapping and Journaling for Health, she shares two tools to help you choose what you want to create, treasure mapping and journaling. With a bit of practice, you can have fun while you build up your “creativity muscle” so that you get clear about who you want to be and what you want to do and have in your life. Once you are clear about what life you choose to create, then actualizing that is just a matter of mechanics and time.
The Power of Choice
What if voluntary change is simply an exercise in making choices? Think about it. You made choices, whether consciously or unconsciously (sometimes coaches call unconscious choice making, “living by default”) to get where you are. What if changing your mind or making different choices took you some place completely different, more in line with your desires? What if your superpower was conscious choice making? What if your part in actualizing who you want to be and what you want to do and have is to decide to keep the things you like about your life, choose something different from the aspects of your life you no longer enjoy, and get clear about any preferences you have? With the two tools Dr. Dean shared with you, do you think you could get clear about what you want to create? If your answer is any form of, “Yes,” then please read on.
The Mechanics of Change
Now that you have a bit of background about making voluntary/conscious changes in your life so that you can choose to be, have, and do more, let’s move on to our example.
For purposes of our example, let’s agree that money represents an exchange that demonstrates your value, and that value governs some of your ability to make choices. Think of your $20,000 income as if it is a place where you live. In some sense it is, because your income probably shapes many of the choices you make — where you live, what you eat, what schools your kids go to, whether or not you take a vacation, etc. Then, think of $40,000 income as a new neighborhood where you want to live where you have a better house, you purchase a higher quality of food for your family, your kids go for private tutoring, and you can afford to take your significant other on a two-week vacation. How do you get from Point A to Point B?
As a longtime spiritual coach, I found the biggest mistake those who want to create desired for change is that they won’t look objectively at where they are, what they prefer, and where they want to go. I could write 10,000 words about judgments and conditioning and how it supports resistance. But, let’s not do that now. Let’s get clear about:
- “the positives” in your life which you want to take with you when you move from Point A to Point B
- what “negatives” you would like to leave behind on your transformational journey
- what preferences you have, if any
Getting Clear – Our Example
Again, journaling is a good tool to help you get conscious about your preferences. In our example, some positives you want to move with you to Point B might be your significant other, your children, your family, your pets, your favorite sweater, the financial gain you’ve already made, your good health, etc. Some negatives you might like to leave behind are the lack of housing choices, running out of money before you run out of month, the lower quality public school your children go to, and the stress of trying to pay all your bills. Finally, let’s say your preferences are to live in a warmer climate, have a flower garden around your home, provide your children with enrichment classes, and take your significant other on a cruise to the Caribbean. You can continue to journal this information until you get really clear about where you are and feel satisfied about where you want to go.
Why Exploring Your Preferences Is Important
One of my mentors gave an amazing example of how not getting clear on your preferences can net you the results you ask for in a surprising, and perhaps not welcome way. Let’s return to our example. Your current income is $20,000 a year. You want to double your income. Without your preferences as parameters, your Higher Power will bring the people, possibilities, matter, and means together that take the least amount of energy and will most effectively meet your needs. What if the easiest possibility for you to double your income locally was to work as a grave digger? Would you want to do that job? What if you lived in a rural area and had to move to the city to double your income, and your family refused to move with you? Would you move? What if you could dress casually at the job you have now, but you had to dress for success to double your income? Would you be happy to purchase new clothes? If you had continued journaling and treasure mapping until you were very clear about your preferences, then your actualization would have better matched your desires. Once you are clearly satisfied, actualization then is only a matter of time.
Now that you’ve spent time to get clear about where you are (Point A) and where you want to go (Point B), what next? In my coaching experience, the easiest way to catalyze the change you seek is when you feel completely satisfied with your treasure map and journal about where you want to go, sign and date it. Even if you never pay attention to your choice again, it will continue to actualize until you change your mind.
My mentor totally blew my mind when she said the same thing to me. Not only did she tell me that my choice would manifest if I never even thought about making it again, she also told me that my Higher Power would provide the people, matter, means, and circumstances to make things happen. I didn’t believe her until I had the experience myself.
An Aside: My Treasure Map Experience
My roommate and I moved to a desired-for part of town, but we had the worst luck when we moved to this apartment. Our car was broken into more than once. Our apartment was broken into once. The landlord had money problems and didn’t pay the utilities, so we ended up with no light and no heat in the middle of winter. I was miserable. So, my mentor asked me to create another treasure map.
Being the rebel that I was, I decided to put together the most outlandish treasure map that I could imagine. It was 10 feet long and about 3 feet wide. The pictures I put on it represented everything from my spiritual growth desires to keeping my roommate, friends, and my roommate’s family in my life; the classes I wanted to take; the coaching I wanted to do; trips I wanted to take; where we wanted to live; and clothes I wanted to buy. I put everything I could think of that would delight me from the most heavenly to the most mundane. Then, I said to my Higher Power, “Now, let’s see you do this.” Then, I signed and dated the treasure map and hung it on the wall where I had to look at it every day when I went out the front door, until we moved. (I put it in a similar location in our new apartment.)
Eight years later virtually every item on that treasure map had manifested – strengthening my spirituality, maintaining great relationships, having a great home, taking several vacations, enjoying more time with my long-lived pets, coaching new people, enjoying a new wardrobe, and so on. Other than walking by the treasure map every day, I never thought about it. I lived my life and followed my inspirations as best I could. But I never once asked myself, “What can I do today to make the life in this treasure map happen?” To tell the truth, to this day, I don’t actually know which, if any, of my activities contributed to the treasure map’s success.
I tell you this story so that you can understand that your superpower is choosing. It’s not trying to make things happen. The ability to bring together what is needed to help you be, do, and have what you choose is one of the superpowers of your Higher Power. So, I encourage you from now on to work as a team. You continue to choose, refine your preferences, and choose more. Then, your Higher Power is free to pull your desires together for you. This is a simple explanation for, “The Law of Allowing,” a principle that many success coaches talk about where you choose your direction and allow life to happen.
How Do You Get from Point A to Point B?
For those who are curious about the manifestation process. Here is a short primer:
Clearly Define Your Choice. We’ve already covered this above.
Realize Manifestation Is A Journey. Your Higher Power sets up the necessary moves you need to make, with the least energy spent for the most effect, to get you from Point A to Point B.
Taking these steps prepares you for becoming the you who can easily live the Point B life. In our example, this would be the you who easily creates the $40,000 a year income and the life you prefer. Abraham-Hicks has called this, “becoming a vibrational match” for what you want to actualize. When you arrive at your goal, you are not the person who started the journey. This process is like a child growing into his/her adult shoes.
Be Patient. The Process Takes Time. Most people are not comfortable enough with change to jump directly from Point A to Point B. Moreover, if you make a direct jump from Point A to Point B before you are ready to be the person who lives at Point B, you will return to Point A. Let me give you an example of this. We’ve all heard of people who won several million dollars in the lottery and were broke within five years, right? The reason why they regress to the less-than position is that they didn’t develop into a person who could manage their millions and remain wealthy.
Everyone Gets Stuck at Some Point. Let’s say you are on Step 3 of the journey to actualize doubling your income, and the process looks stalled because you are resisting completing Step 3.
Everything up to that point has come together with little resistance from you, and you are starting to notice that you are meeting new people, getting new projects at work, and you received a small bonus for helping win an account. Then, the step that comes up is that your company is interested in promoting you, with the raise in pay you want, but they are requiring you to finish your master’s degree first. You don’t want to do this. You don’t have the money to pay tuition. You wouldn’t be looking to double your income if you did. Additionally, you are already away from the family more than 8 hours a day, and that would mean classes and studying at night and on the weekend. So, you go to your supervisor and tell them you just can’t manage finishing your Master’s. It looks like the process stopped right here, correct?
Your Higher Power Moves You to Complete the Missing Step.
But, a week later, your supervisor comes back to you because they are so interested in you taking the promotion that the company offers to pay for your classes. You still feel unsure, and two weeks later, your supervisor also talks to you about creating a work-from-home/flex-time schedule that could accommodate your studies. By the end of the conversation, you feel so supported by your company, that you allow yourself to feel excited about finishing your Master’s. When you complete your degree, you move on to the next step and ultimately achieve your desire of doubling your $20,000 income.
The actualization process works for everyone in any circumstance without fail or exception. You can choose to be unconscious about your life and seemingly at the effect of involuntary change. I’ve lived there myself, and I didn’t feel very good about myself when I lived as a victim of changes I didn’t understand. But the good news is that you, too, can choose to live consciously with treasure mapping and journaling – to get clear about where you are, where you want to go in life, and what your preferences are. By exercising making choices and allowing them to manifest, you will line up with your true superpower and live the life you have always dreamed of.